Normally an apology is a simple thing.
Admit wrong doing and ask for forgiveness.
In this particular case I think that would be a mistake without explaining my short history here at AbbysGuide and how I’ve changed during that time.
I came here in mid-January, 2005 asking for help in buying a snow blower. Many people went out of their way to give me their thoughts and opinions. In return for their work, I responded with harshness, skepticism, and crassness. I wanted more information from these people and somehow felt they owed me, when in truth it was I who was in debt to them.
After about a week the moderators decided to take some action – specifically ChrisS who publicly warned me. Warned ME! How dare he, I thought, I’m SnowRemover. Instead of taking the warning to heart, I responded in a defensive manner. More specifically, how a pre-adolescent responds to an adult who always gives in to every temper tantrum.
At this point, I’d be lying if I told you I thought I had done anything wrong. In fact, I believed myself to be the beacon on a hill, not an instigator of arguments. After a few days of being non-argumentative, I found myself without the capability of replying to a topic, or starting a new one. Most logical and decent people would have taken this as a wake up call and asked what needed to be done to make amends – but not ME! No, I am SnowRemover and I pushed back hard, writing off Private Messages to ChrisS and Marshall demanding my posting rights. When this failed, I even threatened to come on this site with multiple identities should they not reinstitute my privileges.
To their credit, the moderators stood their ground. To my discredit, I followed through with my plan. I created multiple identities on the site, forcing the mods to ban these user names and the administrator (Peter) to lock out my IP Address.
Yet again, the message “You’re a jerk” was getting through. I was SnowRemover, and I can spoof IP addresses and get around these locks. And so I did, getting more user names, flaunting my prowess and believing I was better than the moderators on the site, better than the administrator and better than the users.
I came back as different users, but found myself, at times needing real advice. Found myself needing AbbysGuide and its collective wisdom. I wish I could say I had an epiphanic moment, when the light clicked on in my head and I suddenly realized what a fool I’d been, but that wasn’t the case. It was more of a long term realization, where each day I found myself more resentful that my posts were being removed and my new identities banned, but not resentful at the mods or the administrator, instead at myself.
If I was the great SnowRemover, why did I keep coming back here? Why did I need your advice? How could someone who is better than all others, need those people. These were the questions that stewed in my head the last ten days.
And here I am, today, asking for your forgiveness. A forgiveness that, if the shoe be on the other foot, only a few short days ago, I would not return to you. That is the position I’m in today, asking once again for your generosity and sympathy, which I’ve already taken, used and scorned before.
The moderators here have been good enough to allow me to post this apology to you, the users, to the moderators and the administrator. I ask for your forgiveness.
Sincerely,
SnowRemover
